I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
