who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
