i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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