question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
smell my finger.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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