I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
