i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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