You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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