yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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