I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
