At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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