Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Couch. On fire.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
