I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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