i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
