So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Someone came in the potted fern
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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