I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
