Got a toothbrush?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
