if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
did i just pee glitter
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
