my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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