we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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