Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
