I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
