Where is the hickey?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
