I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
