You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
