I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
