The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
