I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
