If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
