I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
