I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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