I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Randomize
