i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
