I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
