are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
