i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
