you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
