I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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