I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
