I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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