I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
