Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
