I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
