I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
