So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Houston, we have a squirter
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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