Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
