Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I wish there were birth control emojis
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
