i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Damn victory sex feels great
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
