haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
