I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
