Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
